Are You There, Judy? It’s Me, Ally-Again

Hey, Judy. What happened when Margaret grew up and became a mom? Did she become a mom? And what happened when she birthed her teen into adulthood? I mean, sheesh, the hormones…they’re worse than when I was 13. Or pregnant. And the nesting! It’s still happening. Why? Is this normal? With social media, we get tons of parenting advice until the kids are about nine or ten. Then it stops. We have to figure it out and only when we mention something happened does anyone ever say, “Oh, that, yeah, it’s normal, but wait until…”

Maybe we ignore the advice because we don’t get it when we need it. Either too early or too late, but when we’re in the middle of everything, we try to claw our way through. This birthing a teen into adulthood emotionally rips you up. Random tears on a run. Random tears when an old picture pops up on the screen. Random tears in line at the grocery store when my eye lands on a gummy SpongeBob Krabby Patty I’d buy as a treat for a tantrum free grocery trip years ago. Hollering sessions griping about homework, chores, junk food, being online for too long, you name it…and it’s me doing the hollering. And then random tears second guessing that meeting (or those meetings) with the teacher when the kid was in sixth grade. Why didn’t I say something different? I should’ve done this instead.

Did Margaret spend too much time at work in those earlier years or was she a stay at home mom? Her kids turned out okay, didn’t they? Did her mind linger over the what ifs and what can be? A ton of time passes between the first birth and the second birth. They both hurt though, but I don’t know which one hurts more. I think I was better prepared for the first. The second one creeps up on you. I thought I was ready. Here we go anyway. We’ll figure it out. It’ll be official tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 25, 2021

7 thoughts on “Are You There, Judy? It’s Me, Ally-Again

  1. I haven’t had children of my own, but you have captured this so brilliantly that even I could understand how hard it must be. And yes — Juldy Blume must write some more books for us, because at this age we need her more than ever. 🙂

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  2. Oh I absolutely feel this. I have one who’s 20 and another who’s about to turn 18. And those moments – they’re much easier to cherish looking back than when you’re eyeball deep, wondering where you went wrong, worried about the kinds of humans you have put out into this world. Those moments are HARD. And so are the random moments that grab you and make you fully assess the passage of time. All I can tell you is, YOU, mama, are NOT ALONE.

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    1. Thank you, Lainie. Sometimes it feels like we’re alone, but I know I’m in good company. Maybe it’s been tougher since hanging out with friends has been challenging this year. Maybe not, but it’s a rite of passage for all of us.

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  3. You’re absolutely right–in some ways, the parenting through their transition to adulthood is harder…because there is little we can do about it anymore. For birth, we had Lamaze classes, epidurals, kind nurses (hopefully). We fed and rocked and changed soiled clothes, soothed feverish brows and bandaged skinned knees. Now we must trust that they do these things on their own (though the soiled clothes may return now and again, lol). The hard part of being a good parent to a young adult is watching them learn how to take care of themselves without interfering in the process, because they have to learn to survive without us. The flip side of that is…a more wonderful, more equal relationship when they do figure that out.

    Liked by 1 person

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