Where you look back
look forward
turn around
or press on?
50/50
right in the middle
red cherry Popsicle
split in half
on a hot summer day
an age proudly proclaimed
by a child
inching closer
to the next birthday
I'm ten and a half!
two quarters,
one for me,
one for you,
when one could
get you a full sized
candy bar
a marching band show
sandwiched
between two time clock
quarters
under Friday night lights
of a high school football game,
drum major
on the fifty yard line
telling the band what to do
a small town in Texas
where Mom pulls over
to let you drive
the rest of the way home
after running errands
because you don't yet have
a license
pit stops for stretching
cramped legs
letting the kids run around
four more hours until
we get to Grandma's
roads don't seem to end
in Texas
a mid-lifer
assuming one lives to 100
contemplating
what-iffing
if-only-ing
I should-ve...
Stop!
you're did what you
knew best to do
Halfway
the sweet-spot
of living
Mix Tape
Nana
Si Nana estuviera con nosotros, hubiera escrito sus historias. Le hubiera preguntado de su educación. Le encantaba leer, pero casi siempre leía la Biblia. Su biblia la acompañó por tantos años. Yo sabía que no fue a la escuela muchos años. Era raro, con su experiencia, que sus padres tuvieron maneras de mandarla a la escuela. En ese tiempo, ella tenía la responsabilidad de ayudar con el trabajo de mantener el hogar.
¿Quien le enseñó escribir? También le encantaba escribir. Cuando fui a la universidad, me mandaba cartas por correo. Algunas veces, también me mandaba dinero. Sabía que para ella, era mucho, pero lo guardaba para algo necesario.
Nana era cuentista. Le encantaba el chisme y le encantaba contarnos de cosas que le habían pasado, siempre cuentos chistosos. Algunas veces, con lagrimas, nos contaba de su tristeza. Había mucha tristeza y tiempos difíciles.
Dos nińas, mis tías que nunca conocí, murieron demasiado temprano. Una se llamaba Olivia y la otra era Lydia. Eran las únicas hermanas menores de mi mamá. Olivia murió a los nueve meses de tos ferina. Lydia murió algunos meses pasado su primer cumpleaños de polio. No las llevaron al médico porque no había como pagarles.
Solo las conozco por sus fotos, en blanco y negro. En una foto, Nana estaba en seguida de mi mamá cargando su hermanita como si fuera muñequita. Otra foto era de Lydia frente de su pastel de cumpleaños.
Siempre pensaba en vida con mis tías. Imagino que, como mis siete tíos, ellas también me amarán muchísimo, y yo a ellas.
Si Nana estuviera con nosotros, imagino que cada sábado por la mañana, nos juntaríamos virtualmente. Frente de la computadora o teléfono, mi mamá y Nana en la pantalla, enseñamos nuestras tazas de cafecito. Nana con sus carcajadas, mi mamá y yo temblando de risa. Con tiempo, imagino que la plática incluirá la historia de mis tías que nunca conocí. Ahora que tengo hijos, entiendo su dolor profunda. Le diría que yo también las extraño. Escribiría sus historias.
If Nana was still with us, I would’ve written her stories. I would have asked about her education. She enjoyed reading, but she usually read her Bible. It accompanied her for many hears. I knew she attended school for a few years. With her experience, her parents didn’t have the means to provide a formal education. She had the responsibility of helping maintain the household.
She also loved writing. Who taught her how to write? When I left home for college, she’d write me letters. Sometimes, she’d send money. I knew that for her, it was a stretch, but I saved it for something important. She wouldn’t let me refuse it.
Nana was a story teller. She loved gossip and enjoyed telling us stories about funny events that happened to her. Sometimes, through tears, she’d tell us of her sadness. In her life, there were many hardships.
The stories she spoke most of, were those of her two daughters, aunts I never knew. They were my mother’s only sisters, Mom being older than them. They were named Olivia and Lydia. At nine months old, Olivia died of whooping cough. A few months after her first birthday, Lydia died of polio. There was no money to take them to the hospital.
I only know them from their black and white photos. In one, Nana stands next to Mom who is holding her little sister. She looks like a doll. In another photo, Lydia stands on a chair in front of a birthday cake.
I’ve always thought of life would be like with my aunts. I imagine, like my seven uncles, they’d also love me as much as they do. I’d love them just as much.
If Nana was still with us, I imagine we’d meet virtually on Saturday mornings. In front of a phone or computer, Mom and Nana would appear on screen. We’d show each other our cups of cafecito. Nana’s cackling laugh would have us shaking. In time, our chat would include the stories of the aunts I never knew. With children of my own, I understand her profound grief. I’d tell her I also miss them. And I’d write her stories.
That Pinkie Toe Implant Again
Yesterday, I actually read a WordPress post about the new and improved comments box. Always trying to keep up with the newest innovation (without interference from my pinkie toe and except for maybe using AI to probe my writing like an alien might probe a human-might-because there’s not a lot we know about them…and there Alice goes, down the rabbit hole…) I decided to read the entire post. Not skim. Not scroll read, but actually read. Go back and pay attention. Read the screenshots.
Slow my scroll and read the screen.
I heard myself sing what I often sing-song to students during research lessons, “Slow your scroll and read the screen!” I took my advice.
Here I go, I’ll be fancy and embed the link in the text when I comment. I noticed other people doing the same. It wasn’t hard, it looks like a typical WordPress block. The link icon is there. I drafted my piece and made sure to include the link to the original post inspiring me to write about five of my favorite things (only five?)
I’m usually a PM poster, sometimes late at night. Yesterday it was early (for me). I hyperlinked my slice, hyperlinked Tammy’s Day 13 post and went on my merry way.
I popped back in to comment and noticed my post was under moderation. No other posts appeared after mine for a while. First thought? I broke WordPress, yikes! It’s my pinkie toe acting up again.
I left it at that, went to lunch with my husband, spent some Barnes & Noble gift cards (they did away with their educator discount program, but I got a nifty bag and the free premium membership for a year-I must remember to cancel), came home, and popped back in for more commenting.
My post was approved. Nifty new tool, but if it kicks everything over to moderation before posting, it may not be the best tool to use for this writing challenge. Then again, I noticed a few comments on my posts at the beginning of the month that went to spam.
I don’t think it’s my pinkie toe after all. Some settings that are out of my control must’ve been what happened. So much for trying to use the next best thing. Sometimes innovations aren’t so innovative.
…but, I would like a search feature to only search the comments for key words or slicers I’d like to revisit later in the day…
Favorite Things
Inspired by Tammy’s post, here are my top five things I’d bring to a Favorite Things Party to share around a fire.
Archer and Olive notebooks. I even researched paper weight on the quest for the perfect notebook. Trying different brands, this one is my favorite. Size B5, but currently working in an A5 and A6. Definitely a splurge, but worth it.
Sanders Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramels. My kids claim to dislike dark chocolate. I bought a tub at Costco several years ago, not worried they’d eat them. Of course, on the occasion I wanted one, I found the jar more than halfway empty. When I buy them, I take them to work. There’s a cabinet in my office for teachers where I keep a stash of chocolate for them. Non-dark chocolate eaters have converted to the dark (chocolate) side. I imagine these will make delicious adult-level s’mores to pair with a nice glass of red wine.
Corral boots. I’m a native Texan and I only got my first pair of boots two years ago on a trip to Ft. Worth. These are comfortable enough to wear all day. Surprisingly, they don’t make my legs or feet sweat when I wear them through hot summer days. I like wearing them with shorts or dresses. Sugar skulls are a bonus.
Palmer’s lip balm. I have it everywhere: my purse, work bag, nightstand, desk drawer. It’s oval shaped and slides on well with no stickiness.
Stickers! I’m a child of the 80s and had a sticker collection. I bought a kids sticker subscription from Pipsticks for my daughter’s tenth birthday. I promised a full year. When the year ended, I kept it for myself. I plan to cancel, but I get fun snail mail once a month in shiny holographic envelopes. What’s not to love? I re-purposed the envelopes and used the stickers to make buttons I give away to kids at school. You can have your sticker and wear it, too. Anyone want to trade?
Crane Flies
“D-A-A-A-A-D!”
She knows better than to holler for me. I won’t budge.
“There’s a BUG in my bathroom and I can’t get ready! They’re all over the place. Help me now, please!”
“It’s just a mayfly, they’re harmless…”
“But they’re ugly, I want it out. Ahhhh, there’s another one, where are they coming from?”
On it goes, back and forth. He gets to her bathroom and they’ve magically disappeared.
“I can deal with insects, outside, where they belong, but inside? They’re awful,” she exclaims.
I’ve been sweeping dead ones that bounce in when we open the front or back doors. They flit and bounce around, looking like they want to come inside. I try to move them aside, but some sneak in regardless. Occasionally, I’ll catch one and put it back out, but two more sneak in.
I mis-identified these insects. They’re called crane flies. We’re in the sweet spot of crane fly season. Resembling Texas-sized mosquitoes, they’re harmless and tickle your arm if they get close. They seem to hover, rather than fly, unsure of knowing whether they want to befriend or scare us. I don’t care much if they come inside, but if I can keep them out in favor of calmer mornings, I shoo them away, letting them live their happy little fluttery crane fly lives outdoors.
Barn Dance
Dancing the Cotton-Eyed Joe was my favorite, not because I could do the simple line dance without tripping over my feet or because I liked country music. It was my favorite because I got to freely holler–BULL-SHIT!–at the top of my lungs without cowering at my little silent angel self who sat on my right shoulder coaching me into possible sainthood.
My little devil self who sat on my left shoulder jabbed her pointed little tail and pitchfork into me in time to the music. And she made me laugh. And told me it was okay to let loose and have a good time.
Little angel self firmly kept little devil self in check that wouldn’t allow her to go past that dance. No beer. No wine coolers. No running around with the wrong crowd after hours. I mingled with some of them, but veered off in a different direction once my dose of fun expired. When the clock neared midnight. Well, 10:30 or 11:00, and long before I had half a chance to lose a golden slipper that resembled a knock off penny loafer, here came my ride. Usually my mom, I saw her car’s headlights coming up the driveway.
First one to get picked up, unless my friend T was allowed out of the house. Her parents were worse than mine. She wasn’t here tonight so there I go, embarrassed at being the one to leave first.
I have to go!
I say goodbye to my friends and the music, just as the fun gains momentum and my confidence started taking off. I look wistfully behind my shoulder heading toward the car, wondering about the stories I’ll hear Monday morning.
I’m Cooking!
Sunday morning
communing
with pen and notebook
three pages,
one is done
she bounds downstairs
only in the way
a teenage girl
can bound
bending down
loving on the puppy
resting at my feet
like a puppy
switches her brain switches
in an instant
"Okay, hear me out,
just hear me out"
I don't know what's
coming
a feral cat hiss with
a puff of fire breathing
dragon
flames?
she continues her
philosophical and
theological
conversation
asking questions
confirming views
questioning others
"I feel closer to God...
(or is it GOD or god?)
now that I've distanced
myself
I mean,
how can someone commit
to something so
important and
life changing when
they're so young?
this is a big thing,
more important than
college
or
marriage
and we have to make this kind
of decision
when we're
young?
She steps back,
surprised I didn't
jump in
"I'm cooking!
I'M COOKING!"
Yes, yes you are
keep at it, feisty one
keep at it
Cereal Crunchers
Give ’em a bunch of Cap’ n Crunch so it will scratch off the roofs of their mouths…
“Ahh! Cap’ n Crunch! Who still eats that and why does it hurt to eat it?”
We never got Cap’ n Crunch. We had to settle for government issued King Vitamin. Those did the same thing though, but they’re not nearly as sweet as Cap’ n Crunch.
On we go discussing childhood memories of favorite breakfast cereals. Froot Loops. Toucan was my favorite cereal mascot. It’s the closest to the jungle I could get, reading the back of the box finding the hidden images in the puzzle without checking them off as I found them, milk turning gray. I’m not giving away the answers to my two younger sisters and bratty lactose-intolerant brother, although I’d take a peek at the solution turning the box upside down.
On second thought, maybe Tony Tiger is my favorite. Frosted Flakes were a special treat. Otherwise, we relied on generic corn flakes, add your own sugar. Add it we did, but it didn’t work well as it wound up in a thick layer in the bottom of the bowl after the milk was slurped. Sometimes I added sliced bananas, but overall, it qualified as grown-up cereal. There was a recipe we used to make sweet, gooey peanut-butter bars with too many boxes. In that case, they were grrrreat!
Lucky Charms were fun, without the milk. Anyone else pick out the “lucky charms?” I din’t like hard, shriveled marshmallows, but they were cute. The cereal, re-shaped Alpha-Bits, were tasty. Speaking of Alpha-Bits, I could never scoop up a full word on my spoon. Why were the letters always broken? The magic of television.
Fruity Pebbles were okay, but the best ones were chocolate. Who wouldn’t want chocolate milk after all the crunch was gone?
Honey Nut Cheerios were always so much better than regular, until I started buying them for my kids. Three plain Cheerios on the high chair tray kept them occupied while I cooked dinner, until they perfected the pinscher grasp and began grabbing them by the fistfuls. Three little oat circles were never enough.
I rarely eat cereal now. Occasionally, I’ll crave a bowl of Frosted Flakes, but never enough to warrant buying a box of it. If we have granola, I’ll crunch on a small amount with coconut milk. We have a box of Honey Nut Cheerios on top of the fridge. I don’t remember the last time it was opened. It’s probably stale by now.
Saturday morning cartoons and a bowl of cereal has been replaced with a cup of coffee and a list of too many things to do.
Backyard Drafting
The dogs have the zoomies. I said only one was allowed to hang out with me. Spotify playlist is trying to soothe me. Cars zoom by too loud, in a rush to get out of town or cutting through the neighborhood to avoid traffic.
The wind has picked up, hard. “It’s the cold front coming in from the north,” my husband says. Wind pushes and shoves it’s way through tree tops. Chimes clang helplessly from neighboring yards. A little insect finds my screen. Strands of fallen oak pollen, like tinsel, cling to my sweater sleeves.
The kitchen needs cleaning from dinner.
Jack Johnson sings how “it’s always better when we’re together,” but I disagree. Not tonight. Not right now.
It’s a little early, but once that kitchen is clean, I’m getting in my pjs. I have piles of new books and I’ll choose the newest one, A Book That Loves You. The alarm will take a ten day break.
I’m getting out of this cold wind. Backyard drafting isn’t working.
Like a colicky baby, writing is fussy today,
What’s Inside
My car?
a roomier version of a
purse
or backpack
Front seat holds
a stack of new books
I've got first dibs,
but only if I can't find kids
who want
to read them first
Folded windshield sunshades
(needed all year
in Texas)
stuffed between said seat
and console
where there's a stack
of empty gift cards
a prayer card
a green rosary
S. made
two years ago
a work badge
on a floral pink lanyard
On the back seat floorboard
rests a recycled grocery tote bag
full of recycled grocery tote bags
another bag still holds
black velvet flats
a blue tulle skirt
white tights
a black satin sash
black leather sneakers
and a long, blonde wig
from last month's
comic con event
Somewhere underneath
those bags
is a black drawstring backpack
donning a half marathon logo
eight years past
a rolled up yoga mat
three pairs of sunglasses
In the way back
sit three bags
of outgrown clothes
(mine)
meant for a thrift store
I pass every day
on my way home
remembering they're back there
as I pass the light
I'll drop everything off
tomorrow









