Oak, no!

March
means
clear blue skies
popping wildflowers
grass awakening 
from winter's slumber
thick and green
twittering birds
gentle breezes
air perfumed with
blooming jasmine

March means
oak trees 
doing what oak trees do
their spiky little 
pollen nuggets
littering the ground
invading 
my headspace
tickling my throat
choking me up
making my nose
drip
drip 
drip
postponing
that evening walk
Monday, March 27, 2023

Mid-Day Sunday Coffee

Summer Moon
my favorite coffee shop
oldies on
loud

espresso machine hisses 
and steams everyone's orders
stair-stepped mini-bleachers
hold a single to-go
order because
Sundays are for sitting
and sipping a steaming
mid-day cup 
on a cold, sunny
spring day
waiting for warm weather 
to pounce
and stay
soon warm drinks
will be ordered
over ice
cups dripping with
condensation

it's noisy
people catching up
winding down
sipping away the weekend,
a week-long break,
a few more hours until tomorrow
where we all wake up
and do it all over again,
with a quick
home-brewed coffee
to chase the sleep away
Sunday, March 19, 2023

Perch

I've perched at the end
of the kitchen
table
in front of the back porch
window 
facing the 
front 
door

It became my 
desk
grad school homework
nonstop
for three years.

I nested there
awaiting my possibilities
adding to the space
making it as cozy
as one can make 
a kitchen table
competing with 
family meals
kids' homework
craft projects
during down time
and breaks
junk mail
wine glasses
coffee mugs
papers waiting 
to be graded

Time passed,
yet I still perch
at the end 
of the kitchen 
table
in front of the back porch window
facing the 
front door

It has become my
desk
morning pages,
three of them
every day (mostly)
for over four years
flanked on the right
with a writing
cabinet
wine glasses
and unopened bottles
of wine occupy the 
top shelf 
waiting
to be sipped

This morning,
I changed my seat
and now I perch
on the long side
of the kitchen 
table
to the right of the back porch
window
next to my son's 
favorite seat, 
occupied only when
he visits,
leaving the front door 
behind
enjoying
a better 
view
Saturday, March 18, 2023

Since When

has Friday become a dreaded yet welcome
oxymoron–
the end of the week
but an entry to the weekend
where once, after work
hours of happiness
clinking glasses
full of endings
and beginnings
now are more work
than mondays
that make one
want to go
home and 
crawl
into 
a 
hole?
Friday, March 10, 2023

Tracker Hackers

Adult chore charts
Reading logs gone wild
Oh brain,
why can't you learn to 
bend a little?

If I fill every box
every day
does that mean I'm 
suffocating?

If I skip a week,
two,
three,
does that mean I'm dead?

No.
It means 
I'm too
busy,
flat out gave up
for a bit,
went on 
vacation

Too rigid?
Perhaps
I like to see 
the ebb and flow
of life
on paper
[I must] take care
not to become
over dependent on them,
after all,
am I focusing on
checking off little boxes
or on the better, 
bigger things 
around me?

They're a shot 
in my arm,
accountability
for (hopefully) doing 
the right things
that are hard to do
so I can be better
at the ones 
that matter

They're a heartbeat 
of sorts
multicolored
messy 
proof that I'm doing my
best at life

I've seen interesting ones:
meatless Mondays
no sugar
no booze
daily journaling
wordle
dating
no spending
devotionals
screen time (usually less)
social media posts (usually more)

Mine remain steady, 
seems I can't build those [good]
habits
yet

I've tried giving up
tracking everything
becoming robotic
in spewing out 
my own 
data
my internal 
algorithm
can't seem 
to compute
making me feel 
like a failure 
at times

I still go back to them
proving
I can create habits
for behaviors
I need to change
adding challenges
through 
my own volition

(like writing 
for 31 days
straight)

Valentine Timeline

Sticky shoeboxes covered with construction paper
long slot cut through the top
where little envelopes drop
one for every classmate
wiggly heart shaped Jell-O
Cindy's mom brought to the class party
shiny gold boxes wrapped in red cellophane 
holding chocolates
the popular girls got 
from their little 
boyfriends,
gross!

Outgrown class parties
replaced with
little messages delivered between
classes
are any of those for me?
No, 
they're all for those girls
a pile of them
I wonder what they say
They sigh as if annoyed,
but we all know
they like attention
"I have so many!"
Oh, shut up
but secretly,
I wish they were mine

First boyfriend
and my first
"real" Valentine's Day gift
a thin gold bracelet
with a heart slipped through the chain
I never wanted to take it off
until that one day
several months later
where it made its way 
to the back of my jewelry box
do I dare wear it again?

Galentine's Day before it became a word
ditch the study sesh
none of us have boyfriends 
so why not go to dinner together?
No tables available at the one 
cafe, of course not, 
couples got first dibs
because people plan for these things
we drive around, 
it's late now,
and we find a little Italian restaurant
where I taste fried calamari 
for the first time
order our entrees
and realize we don't 
mind being single

A rainy weekend
greets the rare Saturday
Valentine's Day
No plans made, 
but we have each other
Where do we go to dinner?
Everything is booked
Let's just go to our regular place
My gift is first
should be perfect,
it's something he enjoys
then I open the card
what?
and he hands me a small box
what?
okay, I say
what?
and there it is,
the ring I had been eyeing
YES!  
I say yes
he slips it on,
call my mom
and we head out 
to dinner, nothing fancy
but I can't stop staring 
at glittery possibilities
of forever

More valentines
cute pencils with fun erasers,
stickers, snacks, a book for each one
goodie bag assembly line
load my car and brace myself
for my first classroom party
on the other side
every student gets something
it isn't fun being left out
even if it's from the teacher
chocolate candy
and cute little notes pile up
on my desk
sugar comas 
(I'm glad I'm not the parent!)
chocolate fountain and goodies
from PTA in the staff lounge
and bonus points for the one
who brought a small
bottle of Champagne 
flavored jelly beans

Craft stick picture frames
with my little 
cherubs inside them,
trimmed with sparkly hearts
googly eyes, and glitter
whipped cream topped pancake 
with berries and hot cocoa
fluffy stuffed animals
heart covered pajamas
bedtime stories
"I lovey dovey you!"

Gift bags with snacks
because they're always hungry
can't go wrong with candy
lemonade for one,
a root beer for the other
decide against deodorant 
and find a silly squishy plush toy
because they still like getting them
"Oh, by the way, can I get
something for my friends?"
It's 9:30 p.m.
the day before VDay
No, just no.
We should be getting ready for bed
"I'll ask Dad!"
No. 
You won't

Wrestle with insomnia
get up and find my seasonal
purchases
place them on the table,
one of those shiny gold heart 
shaped boxes wrapped in red cellophane
for hubster
and a green squishy love bug plushie
flanked with a red Ring Pop and a tube
of mini-M&Ms
she skips down the stairs as if on cue
the minute I put everything down
she picks up the love bug 
twirling it in a dance
and sings her happy theme song
announcing 
"You're going to school with me today!"

At work the office calls
I have a delivery
For me?
a bouquet of flowers
unexpected and appreciated
homemade dinner 
text message exchange with 
my oldest
who stopped by to visit on Sunday
I pour myself a glass of cheap Champagne
fill the sink with dishwater
and toast 
all of the ways people love me



Tuesday, February 14, 2023

Address Book

I still have it
my first adult address book
brown leather binder
purchased with my Hallmark
discount

It started out small
including my family's
addresses memorized,
but initiating the space nonetheless
Will I ever fill this up?

All of the aunts and uncles,
grandparents
college friends
work friends
a work mom, two, three

Inked in print,
building my own network
I'd have a stack 
of Christmas cards to send
Each year, I take it out
and start writing notes
a book or two of stamps waiting to 
send greetings
on a little trip across Texas,
mostly Texas, but other states too

I start with the A and go down
each name
lost touch with that one
last year's card was returned
where is she now?

After a few years,
I draw an x through those names 
that moved on
but were not forgotten,
remembering the good times,
wondering of current whereabouts

It's easier to draw an x over 
those who moved 
still there, 
but picking up to a new place
normal for post-college friends trying
to figure things out
going on fun adventures
accepting new jobs
getting married

Siblings got their own sections
as they left the nest,
Never expecting to re-write my parents'
address
twice, 
after two moves 
from what I 
considered
home

I've added more friends
but as years have passed,
I've had to mark out a name
here and there
permanently
mail doesn't go where they are

Sara, my grandma, has an invisible 
permanent X over her little maroon
housed address
I can't bring myself to 
mark 
her 
out
of my address book
Tuesday, December 6, 2022

thingie

I’ve resorted to describing

important words with…

thingie

I can’t even fall back on thingamajig

doo-hickey

whatchamacalit

that

thing

it’s a thingie

that thingie over there, I need it

can you get it for me, please?

sure!

I know exactly what you meant

that thingie

of a brain

that’s so overloaded

it forgets basic

thingies

Tuesday, October 3, 2022