Is the day after
a year long party
where we sit back
looking at unwrapped 
gifts
expectations
ups and downs
laughter
frustration
tears
quiet moments
and noisy ones
bubbles fizzing,
sipping life's goodness

A toast to
presence!

I still have it
my first adult address book
brown leather binder
purchased with my Hallmark
discount

It started out small
including my family's
addresses memorized,
but initiating the space nonetheless
Will I ever fill this up?

All of the aunts and uncles,
grandparents
college friends
work friends
a work mom, two, three

Inked in print,
building my own network
I'd have a stack 
of Christmas cards to send
Each year, I take it out
and start writing notes
a book or two of stamps waiting to 
send greetings
on a little trip across Texas,
mostly Texas, but other states too

I start with the A and go down
each name
lost touch with that one
last year's card was returned
where is she now?

After a few years,
I draw an x through those names 
that moved on
but were not forgotten,
remembering the good times,
wondering of current whereabouts

It's easier to draw an x over 
those who moved 
still there, 
but picking up to a new place
normal for post-college friends trying
to figure things out
going on fun adventures
accepting new jobs
getting married

Siblings got their own sections
as they left the nest,
Never expecting to re-write my parents'
address
twice, 
after two moves 
from what I 
considered
home

I've added more friends
but as years have passed,
I've had to mark out a name
here and there
permanently
mail doesn't go where they are

Sara, my grandma, has an invisible 
permanent X over her little maroon
housed address
I can't bring myself to 
mark 
her 
out
of my address book

Lately,
thoughts and
ideas have been
scattered
like wispy seeds
of a dandelion
flitting 
around
trying to make 
sense
of myself 
on the deep breath
of a wish

for a break is valuable 
but when you stop
what do you do?
does the mind wander too much?
why is it hard to refocus?
start again,
build momentum
why stop?
is it to observe?
try something new?
look for something, or
let something find you?
rather than restarting, 
it's time to 
continue 
this thing that 
sustains and
feeds me,
consider words 
that want to be said,
that need saying
was the stopping meant
for listening?
how do you 
bring everything together?