Nana

Si Nana estuviera con nosotros, hubiera escrito sus historias. Le hubiera preguntado de su educación. Le encantaba leer, pero casi siempre leía la Biblia. Su biblia la acompañó por tantos años. Yo sabía que no fue a la escuela muchos años. Era raro, con su experiencia, que sus padres tuvieron maneras de mandarla a la escuela. En ese tiempo, ella tenía la responsabilidad de ayudar con el trabajo de mantener el hogar.

¿Quien le enseñó escribir? También le encantaba escribir. Cuando fui a la universidad, me mandaba cartas por correo. Algunas veces, también me mandaba dinero. Sabía que para ella, era mucho, pero lo guardaba para algo necesario.

Nana era cuentista. Le encantaba el chisme y le encantaba contarnos de cosas que le habían pasado, siempre cuentos chistosos. Algunas veces, con lagrimas, nos contaba de su tristeza. Había mucha tristeza y tiempos difíciles.

Dos nińas, mis tías que nunca conocí, murieron demasiado temprano. Una se llamaba Olivia y la otra era Lydia. Eran las únicas hermanas menores de mi mamá. Olivia murió a los nueve meses de tos ferina. Lydia murió algunos meses pasado su primer cumpleaños de polio. No las llevaron al médico porque no había como pagarles.

Solo las conozco por sus fotos, en blanco y negro. En una foto, Nana estaba en seguida de mi mamá cargando su hermanita como si fuera muñequita. Otra foto era de Lydia frente de su pastel de cumpleaños.

Siempre pensaba en vida con mis tías. Imagino que, como mis siete tíos, ellas también me amarán muchísimo, y yo a ellas.

Si Nana estuviera con nosotros, imagino que cada sábado por la mañana, nos juntaríamos virtualmente. Frente de la computadora o teléfono, mi mamá y Nana en la pantalla, enseñamos nuestras tazas de cafecito. Nana con sus carcajadas, mi mamá y yo temblando de risa. Con tiempo, imagino que la plática incluirá la historia de mis tías que nunca conocí. Ahora que tengo hijos, entiendo su dolor profunda. Le diría que yo también las extraño. Escribiría sus historias.

If Nana was still with us, I would’ve written her stories. I would have asked about her education. She enjoyed reading, but she usually read her Bible. It accompanied her for many hears. I knew she attended school for a few years. With her experience, her parents didn’t have the means to provide a formal education. She had the responsibility of helping maintain the household.

She also loved writing. Who taught her how to write? When I left home for college, she’d write me letters. Sometimes, she’d send money. I knew that for her, it was a stretch, but I saved it for something important. She wouldn’t let me refuse it.

Nana was a story teller. She loved gossip and enjoyed telling us stories about funny events that happened to her. Sometimes, through tears, she’d tell us of her sadness. In her life, there were many hardships.

The stories she spoke most of, were those of her two daughters, aunts I never knew. They were my mother’s only sisters, Mom being older than them. They were named Olivia and Lydia. At nine months old, Olivia died of whooping cough. A few months after her first birthday, Lydia died of polio. There was no money to take them to the hospital.

I only know them from their black and white photos. In one, Nana stands next to Mom who is holding her little sister. She looks like a doll. In another photo, Lydia stands on a chair in front of a birthday cake.

I’ve always thought of life would be like with my aunts. I imagine, like my seven uncles, they’d also love me as much as they do. I’d love them just as much.

If Nana was still with us, I imagine we’d meet virtually on Saturday mornings. In front of a phone or computer, Mom and Nana would appear on screen. We’d show each other our cups of cafecito. Nana’s cackling laugh would have us shaking. In time, our chat would include the stories of the aunts I never knew. With children of my own, I understand her profound grief. I’d tell her I also miss them. And I’d write her stories.

Friday, March 15, 2024

That Pinkie Toe Implant Again

Yesterday, I actually read a WordPress post about the new and improved comments box. Always trying to keep up with the newest innovation (without interference from my pinkie toe and except for maybe using AI to probe my writing like an alien might probe a human-might-because there’s not a lot we know about them…and there Alice goes, down the rabbit hole…) I decided to read the entire post. Not skim. Not scroll read, but actually read. Go back and pay attention. Read the screenshots.

Slow my scroll and read the screen.

I heard myself sing what I often sing-song to students during research lessons, “Slow your scroll and read the screen!” I took my advice.

Here I go, I’ll be fancy and embed the link in the text when I comment. I noticed other people doing the same. It wasn’t hard, it looks like a typical WordPress block. The link icon is there. I drafted my piece and made sure to include the link to the original post inspiring me to write about five of my favorite things (only five?)

I’m usually a PM poster, sometimes late at night. Yesterday it was early (for me). I hyperlinked my slice, hyperlinked Tammy’s Day 13 post and went on my merry way.

I popped back in to comment and noticed my post was under moderation. No other posts appeared after mine for a while. First thought? I broke WordPress, yikes! It’s my pinkie toe acting up again.

I left it at that, went to lunch with my husband, spent some Barnes & Noble gift cards (they did away with their educator discount program, but I got a nifty bag and the free premium membership for a year-I must remember to cancel), came home, and popped back in for more commenting.

My post was approved. Nifty new tool, but if it kicks everything over to moderation before posting, it may not be the best tool to use for this writing challenge. Then again, I noticed a few comments on my posts at the beginning of the month that went to spam.

I don’t think it’s my pinkie toe after all. Some settings that are out of my control must’ve been what happened. So much for trying to use the next best thing. Sometimes innovations aren’t so innovative.

…but, I would like a search feature to only search the comments for key words or slicers I’d like to revisit later in the day…

Thursday, March 14, 2024

Barn Dance

Dancing the Cotton-Eyed Joe was my favorite, not because I could do the simple line dance without tripping over my feet or because I liked country music. It was my favorite because I got to freely holler–BULL-SHIT!–at the top of my lungs without cowering at my little silent angel self who sat on my right shoulder coaching me into possible sainthood.

My little devil self who sat on my left shoulder jabbed her pointed little tail and pitchfork into me in time to the music. And she made me laugh. And told me it was okay to let loose and have a good time.

Little angel self firmly kept little devil self in check that wouldn’t allow her to go past that dance. No beer. No wine coolers. No running around with the wrong crowd after hours. I mingled with some of them, but veered off in a different direction once my dose of fun expired. When the clock neared midnight. Well, 10:30 or 11:00, and long before I had half a chance to lose a golden slipper that resembled a knock off penny loafer, here came my ride. Usually my mom, I saw her car’s headlights coming up the driveway.

First one to get picked up, unless my friend T was allowed out of the house. Her parents were worse than mine. She wasn’t here tonight so there I go, embarrassed at being the one to leave first.

I have to go!

I say goodbye to my friends and the music, just as the fun gains momentum and my confidence started taking off. I look wistfully behind my shoulder heading toward the car, wondering about the stories I’ll hear Monday morning.

Monday, March 11, 2024

I’m Cooking!

Sunday morning
communing
with pen and notebook
three pages,
one is done

she bounds downstairs
only in the way
a teenage girl
can bound
bending down
loving on the puppy
resting at my feet

like a puppy
switches her brain switches
in an instant
"Okay, hear me out,
just hear me out"

I don't know what's
coming
a feral cat hiss with
a puff of fire breathing
dragon
flames?

she continues her
philosophical and
theological
conversation
asking questions
confirming views
questioning others

"I feel closer to God...
(or is it GOD or god?)
now that I've distanced
myself
I mean,
how can someone commit
to something so
important and
life changing when
they're so young?
this is a big thing,
more important than
college
or
marriage
and we have to make this kind
of decision
when we're
young?

She steps back,
surprised I didn't
jump in

"I'm cooking!
I'M COOKING!"

Yes, yes you are
keep at it, feisty one
keep at it
Sunday, March 10, 2024

Cereal Crunchers

Give ’em a bunch of Cap’ n Crunch so it will scratch off the roofs of their mouths…

“Ahh! Cap’ n Crunch! Who still eats that and why does it hurt to eat it?”

We never got Cap’ n Crunch. We had to settle for government issued King Vitamin. Those did the same thing though, but they’re not nearly as sweet as Cap’ n Crunch.

On we go discussing childhood memories of favorite breakfast cereals. Froot Loops. Toucan was my favorite cereal mascot. It’s the closest to the jungle I could get, reading the back of the box finding the hidden images in the puzzle without checking them off as I found them, milk turning gray. I’m not giving away the answers to my two younger sisters and bratty lactose-intolerant brother, although I’d take a peek at the solution turning the box upside down.

On second thought, maybe Tony Tiger is my favorite. Frosted Flakes were a special treat. Otherwise, we relied on generic corn flakes, add your own sugar. Add it we did, but it didn’t work well as it wound up in a thick layer in the bottom of the bowl after the milk was slurped. Sometimes I added sliced bananas, but overall, it qualified as grown-up cereal. There was a recipe we used to make sweet, gooey peanut-butter bars with too many boxes. In that case, they were grrrreat!

Lucky Charms were fun, without the milk. Anyone else pick out the “lucky charms?” I din’t like hard, shriveled marshmallows, but they were cute. The cereal, re-shaped Alpha-Bits, were tasty. Speaking of Alpha-Bits, I could never scoop up a full word on my spoon. Why were the letters always broken? The magic of television.

Fruity Pebbles were okay, but the best ones were chocolate. Who wouldn’t want chocolate milk after all the crunch was gone?

Honey Nut Cheerios were always so much better than regular, until I started buying them for my kids. Three plain Cheerios on the high chair tray kept them occupied while I cooked dinner, until they perfected the pinscher grasp and began grabbing them by the fistfuls. Three little oat circles were never enough.

I rarely eat cereal now. Occasionally, I’ll crave a bowl of Frosted Flakes, but never enough to warrant buying a box of it. If we have granola, I’ll crunch on a small amount with coconut milk. We have a box of Honey Nut Cheerios on top of the fridge. I don’t remember the last time it was opened. It’s probably stale by now.

Saturday morning cartoons and a bowl of cereal has been replaced with a cup of coffee and a list of too many things to do.

Saturday, March 9, 2024

Backyard Drafting

The dogs have the zoomies. I said only one was allowed to hang out with me. Spotify playlist is trying to soothe me. Cars zoom by too loud, in a rush to get out of town or cutting through the neighborhood to avoid traffic.

The wind has picked up, hard. “It’s the cold front coming in from the north,” my husband says. Wind pushes and shoves it’s way through tree tops. Chimes clang helplessly from neighboring yards. A little insect finds my screen. Strands of fallen oak pollen, like tinsel, cling to my sweater sleeves.

The kitchen needs cleaning from dinner.

Jack Johnson sings how “it’s always better when we’re together,” but I disagree. Not tonight. Not right now.

It’s a little early, but once that kitchen is clean, I’m getting in my pjs. I have piles of new books and I’ll choose the newest one, A Book That Loves You. The alarm will take a ten day break.

I’m getting out of this cold wind. Backyard drafting isn’t working.

Like a colicky baby, writing is fussy today,

Friday, March 8, 2024

What’s Inside

My car?
a roomier version of a
purse
or backpack
Front seat holds
a stack of new books
I've got first dibs,
but only if I can't find kids
who want
to read them first

Folded windshield sunshades
(needed all year
in Texas)
stuffed between said seat
and console
where there's a stack
of empty gift cards
a prayer card
a green rosary
S. made
two years ago
a work badge
on a floral pink lanyard

On the back seat floorboard
rests a recycled grocery tote bag
full of recycled grocery tote bags
another bag still holds
black velvet flats
a blue tulle skirt
white tights
a black satin sash
black leather sneakers
and a long, blonde wig
from last month's
comic con event

Somewhere underneath
those bags
is a black drawstring backpack
donning a half marathon logo
eight years past
a rolled up yoga mat
three pairs of sunglasses

In the way back
sit three bags
of outgrown clothes
(mine)
meant for a thrift store
I pass every day
on my way home
remembering they're back there
as I pass the light

I'll drop everything off
tomorrow

Thursday, March

But First, Coffee

Second cup of coffee hour arrives. Taking the bait on my Starbucks app, I place an order for a BOGO offer: one iced flat white for my friend, and a cinnamon caramel cream cold brew, light on the caramel, for me.

I place my order.

This location is not accepting orders.

I was almost that person who would’ve tried to go inside.

Okay, fine. I’ll choose another location.

I arrive and for some odd reason, one side of the driveway is blocked. I head toward the drive through only there aren’t many cars in line. Correction: There aren’t any cars in line. There’s a sign on a cute blackboard, written in chalk markers, telling me the location is being remodeled and will re-open March 10th.

I pull into a parking spot to check my order. Where did it go? Did it even go through? Wi-fi is spotty at work. I completely ignored the construction around me. Around here, it’s normal.

Off to a third location. I did not plan on this taking so long. I’m hoping it’s there. The barista brings my order and all is well. Not to self: don’t order anything while distracted.

While waiting for our staff meeting to start this afternoon, I decide I’m not in the mood for cooking dinner after my kiddo pings me to ask what we’re having.

I open up my pizza app…

Wednesday, March 6, 2024

2:36 a.m.

24 minutes before my normal 3:00 a.m. wide-awake-can’t-go-back-to-sleep time. The microwave door slams shut. Beeps. The door opens and shuts again. Whirs. Beeps. Open…

What in the world is she making? Clatter continues in the kitchen. Reeses barks. The back door opens. Shuts. He’s running around outside barking at whatever it is that called him out there.

I kick the covers off. Why didn’t I turn on the fan last night? Flipping the pillow over to the cool side, I put it on top of my head. Turn to my left side and hug it instead. There goes the microwave again.

Walking to the kitchen, the light is on. There’s a jar of Nutella on the counter. She’s still in her clothes from yesterday. What are you doing?

Stupid question. She’s clearly eating.

“I’m hungry,” she exclaims as she wrestles the plastic seal off a new tub of chocolate ice cream. Her makeup still looks fresh.

You sound like Grandpa warming his coffee when he comes to visit. You will NOT do this again. Be sure to clean up because I don’t want to walk into a messy kitchen when I get up in a few hours.

“I will, I will, I was just a ‘lil hungry,” she reassures me only as teens do.

I go back to bed and summon sleep. Come back, please, I wasn’t done with you yet. Another toss. Slow breathing. No covers except for tucking in my feet.

Bark! Bark-bark!

I must be the only person in the house hearing Reeses asking us to let him in. Waiting doesn’t help. I get up once again. The kitchen is dark. He pads back in but I’m not nice enough to let him upstairs to cuddle with her.

Back to bed. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

Tuesday, March 5, 2024

Weeding-As in Books

I have a trio of girls who pop in most days at 1:50. Friday, I worked the realistic fiction section. New books arrived and shelf space is tight. Plus, there are titles older than the girls that must go. They asked about the plethora of books spilling over the book cart.

“What do you do with them?”

I explained the process of offering them to other libraries in our district. After that, I offer them to classroom teachers. Some go to our Pop Up Library for summer reading. These three are voracious readers.

“Mind if we take a peek?”

“Go right ahead.”

The pull of the puzzle they had been working on was stronger. “Maybe Monday. We have plenty of books checked out right now.”

We discussed books that were mis-labeled. “Yeah, Mrs. Garza, just look at that cover. It definitely belongs in the romance section.” They continue with the puzzle. I continue pulling books for consideration. Do they stay? Do they go? What’s the copyright date? When was the last time they were checked out? I set aside the mis-labeled books. I’ll get to them later.

Today, I went through the pile. I happened to be working on them when a student from the yearbook class needed help identifying students for the yearbook’s library page. Sure enough, it’s the trio. I confirmed names and made sure each name matched the correct person. Almost on cue, they walked in and I had them check the photo. The yearbook student finished up and went back to class.

“Can we make Taylor Swift bracelets today?” They all nod in agreement.

I’m keeping them posted on the books in question from Friday. I hold up one book with an old-ish looking cover. “Last call. Any of you want to read this?”

“I’ll take it,” one replies.

“It’s on the old side,” I warn.

“It’s okay. If it’s a romance, I’ll probably like it.”

I hand check it out and hand it over. I pull it up to investigate more details about the book, And Both Were Young. “Wait, did you see it’s by Madeleine L’Engle? She’s the author of…”

“A Wrinkle in Time! I loved that book.”

“Really? I’ve broken up with that book so many times. I couldn’t get past the Mrs. Whatsit and all the others. The Mrs. for the characters drove me crazy. Of course, it’s a form of respect for adults, so that’s how people were addressed even if they weren’t your teachers, but I just couldn’t ever finish that book. And the tuna fish sandwich. They make tuna fish sandwiches in the story and I can just smell it, why couldn’t it be a pbj?”

“Mrs. Garza, you didn’t read it just because of a tuna fish sandwich?”

“Well, yeah, I guess so. I tried reading it so many times because people said how great it was. I tried reading it to my fourth graders years ago. They zoned out, so we didn’t finish it. I took my daughter to watch the movie, the one with Oprah, and she wanted a copy of the book. We got one with an updated cover. I started reading it to her and then she just took off with it and finished it on her own. To this day I have yet to read it.”

“You should try again.”

“I think I will. Let me know how that one is when you’re done though.”

They continue with their bracelet making. I pitch another romance book and check it out to another girl. Then I take a look at all of Madeleine L’Engle’s books.

I will try again, maybe over a tuna fish sandwich.

SOLSC 24 Monday, March 4, 2024