TASTES LIKE HEAVEN, BURNS LIKE HELL
Fireball Whisky
My parents visited for spring break. They left this morning and what remains is Sunday. An I-will-not-get-the-Sunday-blues type of Sunday. We cleaned up last week. The yard is in good shape. The house is free of piled up messes typically saved for weekends because we’ve been home, work free, school free, worry free. We finish off homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast courtesy of my husband. We check rooms, the pantry, the fridge, wall outlets, my car, the back porch, closets and bathrooms to make sure everything is packed. We stand in a prayer circle, holding hands, reflecting on time well spent and petitions for a safe trip home. They pull out of the driveway. Standing on the porch in our pajamas, the still cold March morning chills our bare feet. We wave our last goodbyes.
Back in the house, I set out to get myself dressed for church. On the counter, next to my sink, I find a small plastic bottle topped with a red cap, the front label peeled off. Hmm… Dad probably left this, whatever it is. Mouthwash? Aftershave? Definitely not Mom’s because whatever she owns lives in pastel bottles with shimmery letters. I rotate the bottle and read the label:
I chuckle. I process five thoughts: 1) Dad found it on a run. He hates throwing anything away. He brought it back and meant to give it to me in case I’d drink it later. Except I don’t drink whisky. And I certainly wouldn’t drink that one. 2) For whatever reason, Dad slaps it on as aftershave. I mean, do people do that? 3) It’s Dad’s mouthwash. And he takes a tiny swig. But he doesn’t drink, so that’s odd. 4) Maybe he does drink a little swig with his morning shave. 5) He’s reusing a bottle he found somewhere and put mouthwash in it because he didn’t want to buy a travel sized bottle of mouthwash. Plausible.
Knowing it’s not something worth turning around to retrieve, I message Mom, just to see which of my thoughts is close.
Is this Dad’s?
Throw it a way. I think it’s alcohol.
It is. Fireball Whisky.
Does he take a swig every morning?
Or does he use it as aftershave?
He couldn’t have found it on a run,
it would’ve been empty. 😂
No he uses it after he shaves.
LOL! That’s what I thought.
Confirmed. I burst out laughing. He scratched the devil off the front. But why would he go out of his way to get a small bottle of Fireball instead of regular aftershave? Maybe he does take a little swig.
I am over here dying laughing. This is such a funny slice. I have so many more questions, though. LOL
I love the way you describe your Sunday, from cinnamon rolls, to checking, to praying, to standing on the porch with bare feet.
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Lol! My dad cracks me up! I thought it was funny finding fireball whisky with the devil label scratched off just as I’m getting ready for church.
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I’m obviously very naive as I had no idea you could or would use whisky for aftershave?! You learn something new every day. Then again my husband doesn’t use aftershave as he has a beard and I don’t think my sons do either. Very funny to read and well put together.
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I later found it it wan’t whisky (the color should’ve alerted me, lol!). It was rubbing alcohol that he put into an empty bottle he found. Smh…my mom had no words.
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Oh that is hilarious! And your mom sounded so appalled!
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