My husband brought some orchids home from work a few years ago, along with other plants whose names I’ve failed to learn. Beat up and battered, lacking water, light, a bigger pot, fresh soil, managers offered them to employees.
“Here, I brought some plants.”
I stare at him as if he brought a stray dog someone left on the side of the road. I stopped buying plants because I kill them. Not on purpose. When I take care of them, they die. If I neglect them, water them when they’re limp and yellow, hanging over the side of the pot, they perk up.
“You know, I’m not good with plants. I’ll finish killing them, but if you want to re-pot them, go for it. I’ll get to them when I remember.”
Sure enough, some didn’t make it, but surprisingly, a lot of them did. They’re still all over the house, mainly on one side. If I move them, they get persnickety. The orchids haven’t bloomed in a while, but I hear they’re slow. They’re still green though. I douse them when I can…today is good. I can’t remember the last time I watered them. I should be nicer.
I bought a strawberry plant and put it in a small tabletop greenhouse that sits on the kitchen window sill. I meant to plant it outside, maybe a strawberry or two will grow. For the ants. It never made it. Our icepocalypse (seems to be an annual event now) arrived and it stayed indoors. I checked it a few minutes ago. A few leaves are getting mushy. Looks like I’ve overwatered even though I don’t remember giving it a drink.
The orchids are still okay. They need refreshment and some dusting.
Last month, I went into my man child’s old bedroom. He left two small shriveled up succulents. Are they dead? Do I throw them out? Why not experiment?
I brought them down, doused them in a ton of water, and let them be. Within a day, they perked up, still a little shriveled, but certainly hopeful. I added a little more. Sure enough, I brought them back from the dead. They’ve made plant friends and are doing well.
Besides a good, strong drink, I think they needed the company.
Nerds Beget Nerds 
Love your descriptor! I too am a yellow thumb!
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Thanks, Beth. Here’s to the yellow thumbs! I really think that should become a thing. I mean, we don’t kill them on purpose.
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I love this! The ending was perfect–almost like heading to a bar! I’m also no good with plants–my care seems to make them wilt. Luckily my husband is a pretty good plant whisperer and keeps (most of) them happy!
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Hi, my husband is also a plant whisperer. We have a hibiscus we’ve been bringing in and taking back out in this crazy Texas weather. Most of the leaves have fallen off, but I think it might make it. Hopefully it can stay outside from here on out. Freezing temps off and on have the poor thing so confused.
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I so relate to this post! I also am where plants go to die. I appreciate the plants that wilt when they need water–I need that visual cue, but alas, even they die in the end. One line I particularly loved of your was this: “The orchids are still okay. They need refreshment and some dusting.” I love all that is conveyed with the orchids needing dusting. Such a pleasure to read your writing!
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Hi Natasha. Good to see you here again.
I’ve learned, from experienced plant mammas, that sometimes some plants just won’t make it. I won’t beat myself up over that again. For some reason, it’s the darn succulents, which you would think would be “easy” to care for, that wind up giving me the most trouble. I’ll give it another try. Apparently I’ve drowned all the others. Maybe it’s their destiny to survive, after all, they were left for dead.
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My favorite line was: I should be nicer. It made me smile. I love the clip of the piece…it reads with great rhythm. I totally relate…and am also learning to befriend my plants!
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Thank you for the feedback. I didn’t even notice the pacing and rhythm; I’ll go back to re-read. My poor orchids need more water and it’s been two days since I wrote this. Sigh…they will get a drink, and I’ll get one for myself while I’m at it. Cheers!
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I love the last line of this piece-like “Cheers” for plants! 🙂 Seems like you are on your way to being a great “plant lady”. Somehow, after years of killing multitudes, they’ve decided to trust my guidance! Best of luck!
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Hi there! I just bought the cutest little pot for one of the stray succulents I helped resurrect, although I give the water most of the credit. Hopefully the transition to a new home won’t stress it out too much, but I don’t think that can be worse than every poor little plant cell getting shriveled up to an almost crunch.
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You cracked me up with this post! My black thumb is usually with flowering plants; for some reason, I manage to keep green leaves alive, at least indoors. Outdoors….well, let’s just say I contribute to Red Barn Nursery’s owner’s kids’ college fund every spring. Although now, due to the loss of the oak, I have to consider full-sun planting for the first time ever in my front yard.
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I found a cute little pot for one of the succulents. I’m nervous about moving it though.
Red Barn is one of my faves. Good luck on your new sunny spot.
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